Q: Dear April:
It seems to me that all the men go google-eyed over women in short skirts and low cut tops or tight fitting pants, but I'm the classy type. Do I have to dress sexy to get a great guy? Or is dressing classy OK?
A: Dear Very Frustrated:
Let me start by saying that being classy and sexy are not mutually exclusive. One can be very sexy, while also being very classy. To be perfectly frank—that is the ideal.
In a nutshell, I equate dating to sales. In fact, it is my belief that just about every aspect of our life is in someway impacted by our sales ability – specifically our ability to sell ourselves. Be it a job interview, which table we get in that hot new restaurant, or dating/marrying the man of our dreams.
Even if they're wrong, it is a proven fact that people believe their first judgments of us. An impression is a simple, primal response that is formed instinctively and takes a shockingly short amount of time to gel. First impressions are nearly immediate, always long lasting, and in most cases permanent.
The number one rule to sales, and therefore our choice of clothing, is to know your audience. Who are you dressing for? What type of man are you trying to attract? Our clothes, our hygiene, and our body language are our sales tools – those things that will make or break our sale.
Part of body language is PRESENSE (translation: confidence). ‘Presence' is the magical ingredient that can literally override practically any shortcoming. Everyone – men and women alike – are attracted to, want to be with, admire, and gravitate towards, those who exude confidence.
A key ingredient to presence is POSTURE. Posture is everything in social settings. You have to have great confidence to have great posture, because being ‘a little uncomfortable' has a psychological effect that on a subconscious level makes us slouch.
The most frequently asked question in my seminars is, "what do I do if I'm not confident?" My answer is simply – fake it! And especially upon arrival ... A grand entrance is the best offense. The next time you walk in and you can see the entire room, STOP in your tracks, stand very straight, and count to 20. Everyone is always looking at the door because they're looking for the bigger, better deal. You want to start from a position of power – presence equals power.
Now lets get back to your specific question, "Men seem to go google eyed over tight fit low cut, etc, and I am into more of a classy look, is that ok?"
First, I'm going to have to assume you know your target audience – the type of man you want to attract. Different types of men are attracted to different types of women and vise versa. Second, since I've never met you, I'm going to approach your question this way. Pretend for a moment that you are a casting director for Universal Studios and big budget feature films. OK? And you are currently casting for the woman who will play "the role" of "the girlfriend" or "the wife" of "your target man" – the type of man you want to date.
Third, take a Polaroid of yourself (front and back) and then study the photo. From a Universal Studios, casting director's point of view, would you cast you in that role? And if not, why not? What do you need to change to win that role?
I will begin offering seminars and workshops to women in the next couple of months, so check back with me at www.DateOutOfYourLeague.com from time to time if that is something you are interested in.
All the best,
Ready for even more bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web site, www.Ask April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real "soul mate"!
© 2005 April Masini
Nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes 'AskApril.com,' the hot, provocative dating and relationship online magazine, the critically acclaimed 'Ask April' advice column and is the author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League (TurnKey Press, 0-9746763-0-6) as well as the newly released, Think & Date Like A Man (iUniverse, 0-595-37466-2). Interviewed for over 2,100 national and international articles and opinion pieces, radio and televions shows, including those on CBS, FOX, ABC, CNN, MSN, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, New York Daily News, Newsday, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Wired, AOL, WebMD, and Yahoo! -- "April writes what Dear Abby will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you!"
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