I met a girl a while ago, when I had very little experience with girls. We were both initially attracted to each other but at the time I had absolutely no idea what to do about it. I was a wimp, made no advances, waited for it to fall into my lap.
After a while, she started to say that she saw me more like a brother, a friend. We did spend some nights together here and there. She would sleep in my bed. Sometimes the next morning there would be heavy petting but no s*ex. Always straight after she would leave promptly and then send me a message saying how
she didn't want me to get the wrong idea, and that we were just friends.
I was confused for a long time, because I did feel that she liked me, but I couldn't work out why she did not want me. I know realise that it was because i was smothering her too much, being a wimp, and being totally affected by her (My moods were dependant on her approval).
After a year apart, she has recently moved into my neighbourhood. I have changed a lot since we first met (not such a wimp anymore, I had alot of issues a couple of years ago which have cleared up now). We meet up sometimes and there is cuddling etc., generally sitting around and being cosy together. She told me that "boyfriends are a hassle, but its nice to have someone to cuddle now and then." Am i just someone she is using for comfort, when she actually doesn't want me? Should I stop being so nice and maybe act a little meaner to her?
We are still 'friends' but I don't see it like that. Whenever I am around her I feel damn attracted. She is still saying that she wants to be friends, but should I believe her? Do you think she actually does just want to be just friends or is she trying to test me to make an advance?
"Little Brother"? Dude, that smells like doom to me.
Yes, she's using you as a nice little convenient Teddy Bear. And you're her accomplice.
But read on...
After all, think about it: If you could get your needs met with no obligation, no investment, at NO cost to you at all, wouldn't you snap up that opportunity?
She knows you're attracted and is using that subconsciously to get her needs met. She's probably not a bad person, per se, but she's definitely using you, simply because you want her and she's got all the power.
Yes, there is always that disparity between what a woman says and what she really is feeling, but in this case, you need to make a move or take a walk.
"Boyfriends are a hassle..."
Let me translate that bit of girl-speak for you:
"My heart is tender right now, and I know I'm vulnerable. But since I'm getting my consolation for free, with no obligation to give anything back, I'm happy as a clam. Oh, and if a guy were to come along who got my blood warmed up, our cuddling would go right out the window."
No one refuses romance when it comes along, so the real situation is that she's just in a holding pattern. It's not her conscious choice, but her convenient SITUATION.
You're right to be concerned. Unless you resolve your attraction for her one way or the other (Push this situation to the decision point), you are going to be jeopardizing your self-esteem and self-respect.
You asked if you should be meaner to her on purpose. I don't believe in deliberate mistreatment to incite a woman's attraction. That's almost never necessary. (Remember the breakdown of the "nice guy" from the e-book.) But you damn well ought to act a whole lot less "nice" to her.
Take a few steps back. Reduce the frequency of these "cuddle-fests" of yours. When you do get together with her, let her know you're seeing other women, and be sure to talk about it. If she's on the level with you about "just being friends," she won't flinch at all.
But put my money on the fact that she'll behave very differently. She'll probably get quiet, and then withdraw a little. (And don't go wimping out and start asking, "What's wrong??? Are you mad?")
You see, as long as you're her neutered little pet, she'll have this "safe" feeling about you. Safe is not where you want to be.
She's got to understand that you're not in this for a convenient petting partner.
Hey, if you like going to sleep every night dreaming of your unrequited love, nursing those hyper-inflated testicles of yours, just keep doing what you've been doing. I'm sure she'll accommodate you.
But I say you better take that risk of losing her "friendship." (By the way, what are YOU getting out of this friendship? I forget...)
Bust your move, dude. Life is shorter than you think. While you're here waiting for something to happen in your love and sexually empty lifestyle, all those women you COULD be with are passing you by. And now that you know what you SHOULD have done to hook this one (if only you'd had the Dating Black Book back then...) go work your magic on a woman that will respond.
Remember my advice: You're better off alone than with the wrong woman.
And a woman you want but who doesn't want you is the WRONG woman, no matter how much you dream of the opposite.
Wouldn't it be great to learn the right strategies form the start on how her attraction works, so you can radically improve the odds in your favor? So that you don't screw it up and behave like a wimp from the start? Imagine what it would be like if you could have an iron-clad strategy to never be caught unprepared for the woman you want again...?
That's exactly what my e-book (and audio series) will teach you. Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these "Alpha Man" traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.
Every guy that behaves according to the information I teach is more successful than they were before, and most of them become MASSIVELY successful.
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You've GOT to be an Alpha Man.
Look, there are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world. Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
Luck is not a factor.
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BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.
I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You have to get this knowledge and understanding, or you may risk never being able to turn your game around.
When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
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Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
I'm covering topics each month like how to meet and approach women, how to advance along the dating continuum, how to prepare and present yourself for massive impact, and much more...
The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
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- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
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Get the "Secrets of the Alpha Man program ... "
The Thin Line of Love and Posture
How To Contact Her
The Confidence Treadmill
The Dating Truth for Men
The Dating Truth for Men 2
Have You Busted Her Balls Today?
How Do You Feel About Workplace Romances?
Top Dog Gets The Upper Hand
Win Her Back!
Bling Bling To The Boyfriend
Watch Out For Her Block
Dating Truth - Know When She's Messing With You
Don't Talk Yourself Out Of It
Where's The Courage?
Questions, Motivation, Quantity
Valentine's Day Is Here Again
Are You Getting A Lot Of Dates?
Seduce Her Because It's What She Wants
It's Big And Blue
Flaky Chicks and Dumb Dudes
How To Get Past Her Shields
How To Play Her Hot And Cold Game
More Human Than Human
What To Do If She Has A Boyfriend
How To Email Her
Women Want To Be Conquered
No More Cuddling
Dating Advice That Works
Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude
How Many Times Do You Fail?
The Bomb Is Dropped
This Is Tough Love, Man
Beware The Alfie
Don't Wimp Out When Meeting Women
The Art Of The Alpha Man
Can You Be Firm And Controlled?
How To Talk To Her