I've been hanging out with this girl for about a month now. We've spent the night together quite a few times without ever having s*ex. However, we've done just about everything else we could do, without actually having s*ex. This last time we spent the night together (we seem to go farther and farther each time we hang out) we're making out and then she asks when the last time I had s*ex was.
Now I know that this is one of those questions that I'm not suppose to answer so I try to blow it off but she wouldn't let me. So I answer it really vaguely "Oh, it was a while ago" is what I said. But that didn't seem to be good enough for her, and she kept pressing.
Now I didn't want to come off like I was totally trying to dodge the question, so eventually I said it's been 2 months(and really it's been about 3 weeks). She then said "well that's not a long time". It didn't stop things from going the way they've been going, and I can tell she's still really into me, but we still haven't had s*ex yet.
In a way I feel like she's asking valid questions, not because she's asking them, but because of all of the nasty stuff out there one could catch. Will you help me know how to handle this type of situation next time it comes up, and she's really pressing for an answer about my past.
Let's start out that it's good that you've been able to put this together
Hmmm... my first diagnosis of this situation is that you're in troubled territory...
Why do I say this?
First, let's look at what's really happening:
You're not moving in fast and strong enough with the right dynamic to keep her lust and attraction moving. You see, if she has time to step back and think about "where this is going," (and she must be thinking this in some way if she's more concerned about trust than excited about possibility) then you need to step up the attack a little.
You see, you're also starting to sympathize with her questions. You're right, she does have valid questions, but that doesn't make them ones you need to deal with. The simple solution to her questions: Wear a condom. That will take care of 99% of those pesky problems. But don't get caught up in defensive mode.
She's asking questions because she reached a point where she thought "Uh-oh! If I keep going, I'm going to sleep with him." She now needs to know she isn't a slut to keep going.
Now, she WANTS to sleep with you, but she's losing that lovin' "feeling." Familiarity is starting to creep in, and she's now putting up defensive obstacles to getting together with you. Women who are "hot" for a man don't stomp on the brakes like this unless they're having doubts.
Either about you, or whether or not she's being "easy."
What you need to do is step back away from HER. Show HER some doubts. Don't talk to her for a couple days. Chill and get yourself a few new numbers.
You have to be willing to risk a little tension between you two, because right now it's starting to go south. If you don't seal this deal soon, she's going to tell you about needing space, or she'll just start avoiding you altogether. I've seen these signs before. Everything looks "great" between you, but it will come out of nowhere.
To handle this question in the future, you need to put HER on the defensive instead of letting yourself get put there. You can say: "Why do you ask? Are you afraid there's another hen in my barnyard? Are you -- (poke her in the
ribs) -- JEALOUS?" And start tickling her.
Get the tension up again.
Joke with her about asking. "Wow, you're moving pretty fast there, aren't you? One minute you're kissing me, the next you're about to attack me. I'm not sure I'm ready... you see, (pretend you're getting all soft and
sensitive) I grew my cherry back, so now I'm a virgin again. I have to trust you to let you have your way with me."
Remember, she's not looking for logical and rational answers. She just wants to feel trust and attraction.
(And no more nights together unless it's going all the way. That's a rule. You only stay over if you're getting some, chum.)
I've got to tell you that the information in your news letters are great. My success has sky rocketed. I just started college not to long ago and because of the information in the news letters alone I haven't found a women who has turned me down with getting her email or phone number so far.
When I walk down the halls I notice that more and more women smile and notice me and im able to get email's or phone numbers with ease.
With my newfound success I have a minor flaw you might be able to fix.
You see, as I said before I get a girls email with ease, but writing an effective email is a different story.
In a past news letter I remember you saying that you should keep the first email short. I think my problem is I tend to try a little too much to make something reply worthy. This may be why I'm not getting as much replys from the emails I sent as I would like.
I sent [an] email out on friday and I still haven't gotten a reply. Oh well, I'll see her in class again in a few days.
Could you give me a good example of what a first time email should be like? I"d like some basic rules I can go by so my email success could be a little better then I can break the ice better and start getting more dates.
Here are a couple of rules to the first email:
- Be SHORT (no more than a couple sentences)
- Be VERY short - (I really mean this one.)
- Be FUNNY (give her a little chuckle, but don't try too hard.)
When I say short, I mean SHORT. Keep it to just a short sentence or two. Guys who are in demand don't have time to write long emails. And for every sentence over two or three, she's wondering why you're spending so much time on this girl you hardly even know. It's a bit creepy.
Be funny, because you want to revive that sense of fun that you two had together when you met, and you want her to remember it enough to want more.
And lastly, always ask a question that she will HAVE to answer. Something that she won't be able to RESIST answering ....
"I have a guy that is interested in taking you out to tea this week. Give me a call and I'll tell you about him..." (And then when she calls, tell her it's you...)
"You know, I think you might have dropped something when we were talking... give me a call..." (And then when she calls, tell her she dropped a hint that she wanted to talk to you again...)
"I just talked to someone who knows you... You better call me about this - what he said is really unbelievable..." (And then when she calls, you tease her FOREVER about it. Make her REALLY wonder. And the only way you will tell her is if she meets you at the coffee place on Wednesday...)
Yeah, it's tricky. But hey, whatever gets results, guys.
Life is tough. Wear a cup.
(By the way, the other rules for handling first time emails will be coming up in a future Audio Coaching Session.)
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Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
- Carlos Xuma
Get the "Secrets of the Alpha Man program ... "
The Thin Line of Love and Posture
How To Contact Her
The Confidence Treadmill
The Dating Truth for Men
The Dating Truth for Men 2
Have You Busted Her Balls Today?
How Do You Feel About Workplace Romances?
Top Dog Gets The Upper Hand
Win Her Back!
Bling Bling To The Boyfriend
Watch Out For Her Block
Dating Truth - Know When She's Messing With You
Don't Talk Yourself Out Of It
Where's The Courage?
All Cuddles And Nothing Else
Questions, Motivation, Quantity
Valentine's Day Is Here Again
Are You Getting A Lot Of Dates?
Seduce Her Because It's What She Wants
It's Big And Blue
Flaky Chicks and Dumb Dudes
How To Get Past Her Shields
How To Play Her Hot And Cold Game
More Human Than Human
What To Do If She Has A Boyfriend
Women Want To Be Conquered
No More Cuddling
Dating Advice That Works
Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude
How Many Times Do You Fail?
The Bomb Is Dropped
This Is Tough Love, Man
Beware The Alfie
Don't Wimp Out When Meeting Women
The Art Of The Alpha Man
Can You Be Firm And Controlled?
How To Talk To Her