Hi. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the subject of interracial dating. I'm a young black male that has always dated women of my own race. Partly out of personal growth in my attitudes, as well as an admitted curiosity, I've recently been noticing, and have a great attraction for white women.
I've never approached, nor dated a girl from another race before, and I was wondering if you could tell me if there is anything I should say or do differently to approach them. I'm about to go into uncharted territory, and I guess I have a little fear of the unknown.
Unfortunately, we don't exactly live in a society that's very open minded. If I'm successful in dating a woman that happens to be white, I'm willing to put up with all of the stares and snide comments, just as long as we are happy, and deal with the challenges it brings together.
Any help or advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much in advance.
I encourage you fully to explore women of all nationalities and races! When you find someone that is attractive to you, what does it really matter what race they are?
Ok, that's rather simplistic, but in fact, it's accurate - as we shall see in a moment. There are certainly those that won't agree with me and it doesn't matter what part of the world they live in. Some people have a problem with dating outside their own race. Of course, most often that problem is for OTHERS rather than themselves. If they found someone of another race to be attractive, they would probably make an exception.
Even some parents have difficulties with their children dating someone outside of their race, religion, socio-economic class, neighborhood, close family, (kidding), etc. This is due to a mistaken belief that somehow people of similar backgrounds will have a greater chance of success. Interestingly, many studies have shown that it's exactly the differences that often make for a better relationship!
Consider this: [oh no! here comes the science] throughout human history, there have been periods where huge numbers of people have been wiped out due to plague, climate changes, environmental disasters, and the like. According to current research in the human genome, scientists have discovered that every person on the planet today has likely come from a core group of just 2,000 individuals producing only about 1,000 unique genetic systems! That means that genetically, you're the exact same as every 1,000th person! Now, if you do the math, with 6.4 billion people on Earth. That would mean that you have 6,400,000 twins!
What's even more interesting is that the genetic differences between the races is almost imperceptible. In other words, race is actually a matter a person's perception - not reality. Where your ancestors lived had something to do with how you look, (dark skin, light skin, brown eyes, blue eyes, etc.) but even that changes as genetic individuals "diversify" over time. Today, there really isn't such a thing as a "pure" race of people!
As to how to approach white women consider this: how do you approach women in general; not "white" women, but any woman? There will be some women that will be very interested in meeting you as a black man, and there will be some women that won't be - just like black women! Do everything you're doing now and don't bother yourself with race. Concern yourself with the quality of the people you're approaching - that has much greater bearing on your success.
Dr. Dennis Neder
Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
Too Shy To Try
The Art Of Selling
Meeting That Special Someone
First Date Checklist
The First Contact in an Email Relationship
The Sexless, Passionless Lifestyle
The Big "O"
Communication and "Sexual Conversion" Part 1
Communication and "Sexual Conversion" Part 2
The Perils of Internet Dating
Are Women Sluts?
The Secret To Getting Men to Commit
The 'Independent Woman' Ė a Recipe for Disaster
I Canít Get Him To Leave!
Dating While Still Being In a Relationship
Am I Sabotaging My Relationship?
Does My Girlfriend Love Me?
The Mathematics of Moving In Together
Sex Only Relationships
The Harsh Reality
The Farmer's Milk
Friendships and False Hopes
I Love Getting Gifts!
Would Setting Him Up Be Wrong?
Men Wonít Approach Me!
The Better Part of Discretion
How Do I Tell Him To Tell Me?
Marriage Isnít a Relationship, Itís a Format
In a Sea of Messages, This Oneís Mixed
What We Have Here Is a Failure to Communicate!
How Do I Know?
Physically Close, Emotionally Distant
You Have To Learn The Game!
Knowledge IS Power - When You Have It!
My Flaky Girl Problem
How to Handle the Silent Treatment
Strong Women, Submissive Women
Is She Just a Habit?
How Big a Gift is Appropriate?
Break-Up Fake-Out, or Move Out Without the Lout?
Why It's So Hard To Not Be A "Nice Guy"
Do YOU Have Different Rules For Women?
Is it Time to Move in Together?
Why Can't I Meet Someone That's Available?
Building Experience From Inexperience
Do Men Respect Women?
How Do I Make It Through?
I Feel Like I've Been Waiting Forever!
The Three Keys to the Cold Approach
The Magic of the Approach
Interviewing For the Love of Your Life
Grow Yourself, Grow Your Relationship
A Sensitive Sensitivity Problem
Messing Up The Perfect Thing
It's the Choices You Make Now
Should I Call to Confirm a Date?
Handling Call-Backs, Messages and Setting Dates
Moving On and Knowing That Youíve Moved On
I Donít Want to Look Like an Idiot!
Find What Makes You Happy
Dating Rights Verse Dating Responsibilities
Getting Past Your Past
How Women Can Approach Men
Sexless Relationship, Missing Boyfriend
The Guy That Wants to Get Married
Learn to Kiss, Damn it!
Talk is Cheap Ė Learn to Do It Right!